> Recent Entries
> Archive
> Friends
> User Info
> Main LJ
> previous 10 entries

October 18th, 2008

10:15 pm - Steps One step to make a decision. Two to make it happen. Three to fall backwards, wondering where you stumbled. If only I could figure out, snap my fingers and simply know… Then I’d feel less lost in this seemingly endless fog. I need some direction, I look everywhere for it. I search, I ponder, I pray. I think about the possibilities… But in the end I’m afraid. Afraid of the unknown. I want to spread my wings, to fly. But I’m not sure I can leave all I know behind. I wonder if I’ll ever try. I need to, someday when I feel ready… When that will be I do not know. But one day it will be time to go. Current Mood: contemplative

(Leave a comment)

August 28th, 2008

10:25 pm - Free I’m trying to find myself again. Find my place. I feel a little lost in this world. My home is kind of gone. I feel like I’ve been all over, but I’ve never moved from this spot. I feel a need to move now, but not to let go of what I love. I thought I wanted completion, but now I see it’s not for me. I just need to be. I need to let things go. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: How I Could Just Kill a Man- Charlotte Sometimes

(Leave a comment)

March 13th, 2008

01:42 pm - Inside My Head I’m tired of running… with nowhere to run too. I’m sick of these feelings that won’t subside. And I keep looking, I cannot look away… It’s like watching a train wreck; over and over again it plays. I want to rip you from my mind, but I can’t find the will. I want to forget the feelings swirling in my head. I want you gone, but I can’t make you stay away. Even though you’re not mine you are always there… Inside my head. If dreams could be real, I could have my way. But this isn’t real, and you’re with someone else. I’m such a fool to ever think of you… And how do I erase you when you haunt me so. How can hate you when I’m the one who put me in this hell. I want to tear you from my mind, but I can’t seek the strength. I want to dream without seeing your face. I’m tired of bleeding inside out over you… I’m tired of always playing the fool. I want you gone. Out of my head. Leave me alone… stay far away from me. One day I’ll be free, these wounds will heal and you won’t be… Inside my head. Current Mood: discontent Current Music: Don't Stay~ Linkin Park

(Leave a comment)

February 7th, 2008

02:06 pm - Awake I’m awake now, as the truth burns my eyes. And I know I’m nothing to you. Why did I ever bother? I should have known… That you were never good enough for me. I know now what you think of me. That you never did. But it’s all said and done now. All that never was, will never be. And I’m trying to convince myself that I don’t care. You were never what I needed. What I wanted. I’ve ripped my heart so I can’t feel anymore. So you can’t hurt me again. And I’m awake now, the truth burns inside my veins. Changing me, killing me inside. And I know all I need to know now. I can get better, I will swallow the medication this time. And I’ll forget you. No more memories. No more lies. No more you in my life. I will be free. Current Mood: cynical Current Music: Lies- Evanescence

(Leave a comment)

February 2nd, 2008

09:23 pm - Willing I’m running… I’ve been running forever it seems. Give me a reason to stop. Show me all I’ve forgotten. Take my hand, I promise not to be afraid anymore. I’m tired of being on the outside looking in. Take me as I am, I can’t change. Chase the coldness from me… Make me live again. Current Mood: hopeful

(Leave a comment)

January 25th, 2008

10:50 pm - Save Me It’s like walking through a minefield. I feel like I’m slipping again. I know better than to let myself get this way. But here I am, and I can’t keep myself from it… I wish I could, I feel so helpless. Somebody save me. Stop me before I get myself hurt again. These feelings are destructive. I feel like I’m sinking. Help me please. There’s confusion in my head. Butterflies in my heart. I keep trying not to look your way, but it’s so hard. I know I’m such a fool. I’m just setting myself up for a fall… A fall from grace. Save me. Toss me a life line. Hear me, quiet my screams. I feel the destruction of this feeling closing in on me. Swallowing me down, down into the cold ground. I wish you could save me. But I know better… Current Mood: distressed

(Leave a comment)

October 24th, 2007

09:03 pm - Outcast Take my mind off the evil things. Separate me from the light. Show me something to live for… Give me a purpose to fight. I wonder why I bother. I question the reasons. Am I so different? I know when I’m not wanted. A part of me is tired… Ready to surrender. But what am I giving up for? Am I only seperating the sorrow from the pain… Or the pain from the sorrow? I want to let go. But is it a price I am willing to pay… Current Mood: cold

(Leave a comment)

October 9th, 2007

09:17 pm - Riddle In the corner of my mind, up the stairs you’ll find me. In the darkness safe and alone I always am. In dreams I find my solace, and I am never lonely. But all I know is never real, all I know are just dreams… Illusions of my mind’s creation. False promises. I don’t know what I want… I often question who I am. And yet I’ve never been more comfortable in my own skin. Current Mood: confused

(Leave a comment)

September 24th, 2007

09:26 pm - Lack Luster Dreams I feel close to lost, I feel decayed. I don’t know what to write… Though the words haunt me night and day. I feel a lack of inspiration looming in the darkness. My heart is not fully in it, even as I rip myself to shreds. There’s something I’m wanting… something I’m lacking… If only I could find what it is. I feel it reaching for me, calling to me. But I hear nothing but the soundless wind. I dream of darkness, touchable and warm. It folds me into its arms, a wordless lullaby it croons. I sleep without dreaming… I die without death. I rise with the moon and fall in the end. I always seem to be falling… Falling into blackness into the nothing of a nightmarish abyss. Waiting for someone to catch me as I fall, for someone to end it all. Current Mood: blank

(Leave a comment)

May 17th, 2007

02:06 pm - Pain You don’t think you hurt me, can’t you see my scars? They’re always bleeding… so red, so cruel. Your words are knives, they can cut so deep. Some days I’ve a voodoo doll stuck with a thousand pins. You shut me out, you only see what you want. And when I scream you don’t hear. Can’t you understand all I want is acceptance from you. I swear you want to drive me away. You don’t care, doesn’t matter what they say. They don’t feel the weight of the truth I do. And the tears that you cause burn like acid rain. But I’ll live on as I’ve done all these years. My skin is tough with all these ugly scars. I’ll survive the oppressing pain… And I’ll pull through this sickness you’ve infected me with. No matter how great the pain… I’ll overcome this one day. Current Mood: sad

(Leave a comment)